Dear Cade

Congratulations! Graduating high school is a big milestone in life. It takes a ton of sweat, energy, and dedication to make it through the gauntlet of classes, sports, college and scholarship applications, work, extracurriculars, and all of the other myriad expectations foisted on young adults. It is truly a challenging life phase to enter and exit productively, and I hope you are able to take some time to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor with your family and friends before you embark on the next big phase in life.

Last year for Paige’s graduation I gifted her many books and offered some of the insights I have learned throughout my years. I stand by all of that and would implore you to give it a read and some consideration. However, that has all been said and those thoughts and words do not need another rehashing here. What then can I offer you as words of wisdom?

At the risk of venturing into unpopular and controversial territory, I do also want to be brutally honest with you. You come of age during strange and uncertain times. Be it politics, technology, or the changing of gender and social dynamics of society, life has become a complex minefield for young men in particular. Never before has it been less clear what is expected of you by society, and pressure mounts as the pace of change quickens at a clip never before seen in history. This may come to weigh heavily on you and others of your generation in ways you do not yet see or expect.

I do not say this to frighten you. Indeed, the lesson here is the opposite. You will inevitably face challenges and encounter change. How you frame and subsequently react to challenges and change is what will ultimately define you and your life. What I wish to offer you is a mindset to equip when those circumstances arise.

Be Useful

Okay, so I had to include at least one book. Be Useful details the trials and tribulations of Arnold Schwarzenegger from poor and destitute Austrian child to the world’s highest paid actor, world’s strongest man, and eventually Governor of California, the most populous state and 6th biggest economy in the world. He offers some great insights into how he approaches the world, but the title – Be Useful – is advice his father gave him that he never forgot and put to great use.

It sounds trite, but this is actually remarkably good advice. Approaching every part of life thinking, “how can I be of use here?” will take you shockingly far. I can tell you from experience that this is not how most people approach the world. Most people find any and all reasons they can’t possibly contribute in most circumstances, and this holds them back from reaching their potential.

Every problem approached with curiosity and optimism is an opportunity in disguise. In situations of extreme turmoil or uncertainty, don’t be afraid to be the one to step up even if you don’t know the answer. Take hard problems and figure them out. This will help you develop and refine your skills at lightning speed and keep you relevant in every context you find yourself.

Be Intentional

The majority of folks let life happen to them. They float on the sands of time, sometimes with one sail to pull them vaguely in a direction, but you would be shocked at how little of a plan most people have. Although it may be hard for some to stomach, the reality of life is that you get more if you ask for it. You make more money, you get more dates, you get better projects at work, and on and on. Opportunity usually ends up in the hands of those who seek it out or are best positioned to take advantage when it is presented. If you want something, go get it. At the end of your days you won’t remember which TikToks you scrolled through, but you will remember the goals you did and did not accomplish.

The primary reason most people are not intentional is because they are not sure of what they want. What they want may also change. All of that is totally normal. In fact, it is good. You should be revisiting what you want and why you want it. And if you ever feel stuck or lost, go back and revisit this concept. What do you want and why?

On this point I give you a Goal Setting Journal. The creator of this journal is named Will, and he has an interesting journey and Youtube channel where he travels the world and interviews people of various ages about their dreams, goals, fears, regrets, and advice for others. The stories span from heartwarming to heartbreaking, and I find it offers great perspective on developing your own perspective which will ultimately lead you to your path. Once you know your path to follow, don’t just walk down it – run as fast as you can.

Be Kind

And last, but certainly not least: be kind. It costs you nothing, and often it ends up being the one thing that matters most. The impact you make in the world is a function of how many you serve and how well you serve them. Taking some extra time to listen, consider, and understand will set you apart from those in a noisy world that can’t otherwise be bothered. Everyone and everything in this world offers a lesson for you to learn even if it may not always feel that way. Deploy your skills generously and the world will make it worth your while.

P.S. – Your mom said it is okay for me to offer you a fast and spirited, but responsible and safe ride in my Beemer if you would like. Hit me up if that is of interest sometime.

The Most Important Step A Man Can Take

Some folks consider fiction books a waste of time and liken them to junk food for the brain. This has always confused me because study after study shows that people who read fiction often gain a variety of mental benefits besides partaking in an enjoyable hobby. I can also think of many fictional characters who taught me not just valuable life lessons, but profound lessons about myself. They have provided a plethora of thoughts and traits I cherish and hold dear, points of view I consider novel and pivotal to my world view, and acts of service and fortitude so grand it boggles the mind and challenges me to do better.

I have been marinating on this as a colleague of mine is reading through the Stormlight Archive and rapidly approaching one of my favorite sequences in all of fiction in the book Oathbringer. If you have not read it, this is a fair spoiler for a book that is now over 7 years old, so carry on at your own risk.

Continue reading →

Dear Paige

Congratulations! Graduating high school is not a trivial endeavor, and you have done it! Please believe me when I say that many high school seniors put in far more work than some adults I know, and all of the elbow grease you have put into launching Spaceship You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck) into orbit will take you far. In fact, it may take years before you realize just how much the work you have already done will contribute to achieving escape velocity and reaching the great heights you dream of.

Keep building on that momentum. Inertia and friction are surprisingly strong and subtle forces, and it is far easier to course correct a rocket than to get it off the ground. To that end, I was thinking back to when I graduated high school (it was a while ago, but not -that- long ago!) and what insights and knowledge I wish I had come across earlier that would have added velocity to achieving my hopes and dreams. If I listed them all we would be here until the heat death of the universe, so I will share with you five key insights and four books related to them that have positively impacted my life. I hope these do as much good for you as they have done for me.

You can’t fight your biology

My introverted engineering brain really prefers to logic its way out of problems. Unfortunately, you can’t logic your way out of your biology. The simple truth is we are creatures like any other on this interstellar vessel we call Planet Earth. We are uniquely adapted to life on it, and no amount of thinking or wishing otherwise changes those facts. This means all of the conventional wisdom in this area actually matters and makes a surprisingly big difference:

Get lots of sleep
Walk every day
Drink plenty of water
Spend time with people you care about
Eat well

I had to relearn these lessons the hard way over the past several years, and this year in-particular I have focused on the last one: eat well. You only get one body, so make sure you nourish it and take care of it the best you can. To this end, I give you Ruhlman’s Twenty. I have found this to be the easiest and most digestible book on cooking techniques for amateur chefs, and the lessons it holds will serve you well for a lifetime.

Happiness is a curve

Enjoy yourself and the fruits of your labor as much as you can in the next few years, as studies show that you will accumulate “complex experiences” rapidly once you hit middle age. It is simply the human condition to experience stress and tragedy in addition to love and joy. Everyone struggles, whether they show it or not. I know this graph can feel discouraging, but know that life’s challenges are shared by all and that happiness waits for you in the end.

On this point I give you Scott Galloway’s The Algebra of Happiness. Scott is sometimes a controversial figure, but the pithy insights he shares in this book have resonated with thousands of readers and made Scott one of the most sought after professors at NYU. Although he talks about the happiness curve, he also shares many other useful pieces of advice for young people that are worth considering.

Money is a tool, not a goal

Life sure would be easier if we had all of the money in the world, right? Well sure, to a point. It is true you absolutely need to achieve some financial stability to avoid the stress of living paycheck to paycheck. But what good is a pile of money once you have a roof over you head, food in your stomach, and some money saved for a rainy day? Figuring out your purpose in life is surprisingly hard, and how much money you actually need corresponds more with your goals and way of life than anything else.

Few things cause stress like not having enough money or understanding how it works. You are probably tired of hearing this, but you also have one great advantage on your side: time. Time is a very important factor in how money can be made to work for you. Learning and employing good financial habits early in life will give you a tremendous leg up, and future you will be thanking you for making smart and meaningful choices.

There are many good books in this realm, but Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You To Be Rich seems like the best starting point. This book will teach you the basics of everything from credit cards, to 401ks, Roth IRAs, and investing in general. Soak in these words and watch as your stress about money melts away.

When life is hard, consider those who came before

Marcus Aurelius’ rule of Rome was punctuated by near constant war, famine, disease, betrayal, and other hardship. And yet, in Meditations, he shows us how even the most powerful person in the world deals with the same struggles as the rest of us. It is truly incredible how the problems of today mirror those of 162 A.D.

There are many branches of philosophy, but I find few as practically useful as stoicism, and Meditations is one of the greatest works of spiritual and and ethical reflections ever written. When life is hard, consider turning to the stoics for answers. You will find a practical framework of thought regarding your troubles that has stood the test of time. And maybe, just maybe, you will find comfort in the fact that a Roman emperor who lived 1900 years ago was also trying to figure out how to deal with annoying people and procrastination.

Cherish your parents

Your adult life is just beginning, and there is infinite opportunity ahead of you in the vast reaches of space. It is your duty to chart a course, explore, experience new things, and seek challenge and happiness. But don’t forget who made it possible. You come from an awesome family, and your parents have done a tremendous job raising you, supporting you, and helping you build and launch your rocket into space.

This may be hard to imagine, but there will be a time (hopefully in the far distant future) where they won’t be around and you will wish they were. Don’t wait to cherish them. Appreciate them now, today, for who they are, what they have given you, and spend your years soaking up their wisdom to carry wherever life takes you.

Your story is also their story, so make it a good one.